John & Lindsey

Friday, May 21, 2010

...and how was your day?

It's another aloha Friday and earlier I went to a local book store that was having a local psychic/angel reader who was going to be giving a talk. This woman has been doing these talks every Friday for quite some time and for some reason, I have been compelled to go and check her out. I am generally open to psychic's, having been to some many years ago and believe that some people do have this gift. I was sitting among about 15 other people and she was talking about herself and what she does in a reading. She kept looking at me while she was talking, would look away, then look right back at me. I started fidgeting in my seat. Then she walked over to me and asked if she could "read" me, that she doesn't usually do a reading in her talks, but kept "hearing" things about me. I said yes and she sat down next to me. She asked me to say my birth name 3 times. She had her eyes closed for a few minutes then said I was carrying great sadness. There was a dark circle of heavy energy in my chest. She said I was connected to someone who had passed away, but I carried the grief in my chest. She said I must be exhausted all of the time. Of course, I had tears running down my cheeks. She asked me if I was working on a large project. She offered some exercises to do when I need help clearing that grief out. It was quite remarkable. I have had chronic fatigue syndrome for several years and I am tired most of the time. I left feeling emotionally drained but also lighter.
I have mostly been editing this past week. I took my floppy disc's into our computer repair place and they are going to try and print out my missing pages.
Have a great weekend! Aloha

Sunday, May 9, 2010


I'm a childless mother. There...I said it. It's my 8th Mother's Day without my boy. It's always a little tough, but honestly, everyday without him is tough. And so it goes...
I have to say how lucky I am to have experienced being Sean's mom. I really liked being a mother. I was pretty good at it. I miss it. And as good as my life is now, I think I will always feel broken. No amount of loving can quite fill that space that his absence has left. So that's my little pity party. All I can do is to remember what Sean taught me. Live in the moment, be grateful, have fun and go fast.
I am also blessed to have a fabulous mother. She is everything anyone would want their mother to be. She is kind, loving, sweet, smart and just fun to be with. She lives in San Diego and will be 86 in a couple of weeks. I will be visiting her next month and can't wait to see her. Much, much love to all you mom's out there. Aloha

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Hospice Pages's a cold and rainy Tuesday here on the island. I still haven't been able to print up the missing pages, but that can wait for now. I have been rewriting and editing my hospice notes for the last couple of days. I don't even remember writing all of it, but am so glad I did because I would never have remembered half of it if I hadn't. I was retyping the September 18th pages, the day Sean died. I had my little melt down and have stopped, with two pages more to go. I'll finish it later tonight or tomorrow. It's brutal and beautiful in it's own way. To witness a death, to have the faith that they get to go to the most magnificent place, the privilege and honor of being with your child coming into the world and being there when they leave is such a tender burden. It's so tough to revisit it in print, but it's not like I don't think about it all the time anyway. Much more writing to do, a little every day.